Rather personal, but this is my blog so I don't care.

I have zero desire to blog, None. Really though, I could never put into words how out of sync and off I feel.

I guess I could try, though.

Nothing is really going so well for me. Nothing. And as ungrateful as I know that makes me sound, I don't care. This is my blog. If I can't write down how beat things are going here, where can I? I don't even care.

Back to my point: I hate blogging so much right now because I have nothing to write about. I'm working, but doing something that I hate and don't want to do. It sucks. I've also been feeling a little distant from some of my friends, which is not a good feeling. My friends are my family here and it totally bums me out that things are weird with some of them.

I also can't believe I have found myself in yet another wrenching guy situation. Only to make matters worse, we are in round 2 with this particular person. We've gone here before and I'm left feeling the same things I did a couple years ago, only this time it's worse because I feel like I'm making the same mistakes all over again and it's excruciating. It's as if I'm watching a movie of my life and I'm screaming at myself to stop it already, demand what I want and don't apologize for it. Except, this isn't a movie, this is my life and I'm hating me for putting myself through this again.

In other words, things could be better.

I 'm not asking for sympathy. Really, I'm not. Like I've said before, most people have it a lot worse than me. I know that. But I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of my worst, and for me, right now, that is a desperately depressing feeling.