39 weeks what omg

I had good intentions of updating this blog weekly throughout my pregnancy, because you know, nostalgia.  But here we are at 39 weeks and I am freaking out because this pregnancy is almost over and really, I can't believe it.

I remember finding out I was pregnant all those months ago and thinking man, this is going to take forever.  But it didn't, I didn't take forever.  It went by so fast and that is just a little crazy to me.

For the past couple weeks I've definitely been feeling very uncomfortable and very excited at the thought of NOT being pregnant anymore.  Don't get me wrong, I feel incredibly blessed and lucky that one, I was even able to get pregnant and two, that my experience being pregnant has been 100% healthy and I've felt mostly great throughout.

But man, the last couple weeks are reeeealllly starting to take a toll. I never realized how hard it would be at the end.  I am very excited to meet this boy who's been all up in my rib cage, sucking the breath out of me and basically jumping on my bladder for so long.  It's pretty surreal to think that he could make his debut any day now.  It's hard to really wrap my mind around, actually.  We have everything ready for him but it kinda hasn't hit me that we will have a real live baby soon.

What has hit me is some serious anxiety about childbirth though.  I feel like Dan and I have done everything we can to prepare...but like, how much can you prepare for something you really have no idea about? I just want to get on with it so I get it over with and have our baby already.  It's similar to that feeling right before you run a long race - you're waiting at the starting line, in the dark and cold, you're nervous, uncomfortable and just want the gun to go off so you can get going already.

That's how I feel.

Dan has been such a great support that last few weeks....the last 9 months really. He is always asking what he can do for me. He rubs my feet, my back, helps me get out of bed when it's too hard to on my own, starts the bathtub for me when I want, and drives across town to get me the certain kind of pizza I like.  I am so lucky, really. And our baby is so lucky to have him as his dad. He's going to be amazing.

 

Side story: about a month ago, we we leaving our apartment and noticed this green leaf-looking bug on our front door mat (we now know it's called a Katydid).  Anyway, Dan carefully picked it up and put it back in a tree downstairs.  

Skip to a couple days ago and we were walking out the door again and saw the same bug in the same place.  Weird. I guess he likes us and wants to hang.

33/34/35 Weeks

How far along:  35 Weeks tomorrow

How big is baby: Canary Melon (???) Baby is 19-22 inches and 5.5 pounds

Weight Gain: 24 pounds

33 Weeks. 

I really need a new phone. These pictures are terrible. My facial expression isn't helping.

34 Weeks.

 

 Sleep: Sleeping is....ok. I wake up 3-4 times a night to use the bathroom. It takes some serious HAUL to turn over. Still using my collection of pillows.

Craving: I'm thirsty a lot.  So, water, I guess. 

Feeling: Still feel lots of movement.  Definitely feels like he's getting cramped in there.  I can tell he's head down and feet up, which is good and where he should be by now.  I've started to feel more pressure on my bladder, especially when he moves suddenly. Yikes.

Random: I went through all the baby things the other day and started organizing all his clothes in the dresser. I've washed all the blankets and burp cloths. but still need to wash his clothes.  I think we have everything we will need to sustain his life for a couple months, at least. 

I can't believe how close we are getting. It's such a trip to think about how fast the last 9 months have flown by.  When we first found out I was pregnant, the end seemed soooooooo far away, like it was impossible to even contemplate. But now, we are 5 weeks (give or take) from having an actual real live baby here with us.  How do other people deal with that?!?!! I guess you just don't really have a choice - this is happening and happening soon. It's so weird....but awesome.  I'm trying hard to prepare as much as possible for birth, without psyching myself out.  Our doula has met with us and she's great and will be a great resource to us on D-Day.  We have a few more birth classes to go, a hospital tour to take and the car seat to install and then we should be "ready."  Crazy!

I'm also realizing what a special time this is in mine and Dan's lives. I guess I've been feeling really sentimental about this being the last few weeks that it will be just us.  I'm excited to start our family, but a little part of me will miss lazy weekends together, going to late movies whenever we want, or just being alone together.  I don't want to take this time for granted.  Being married to Dan has been the biggest blessing in my life and I have LOVED the last year and half together! I know having a baby will change our lives and lifestyle and a little part of me is scared and sad about it, but also excited for the adventure ahead as parents and a family of 3. It makes me also realize how special being pregnant is. I will never have another first pregnancy again, and being pregnant for the first time has been so amazing and special. I'm so grateful I've gotten to experience it. It makes me want to appreciate this time all the more.

31 weeks

How far along:  31 weeks + 2 days

How big is baby: The size of a coconut (I don't get the fruit comparisons anymore). 3.5 pounds

Weight Gain: Somewhere around 20 pounds. I think.

My body has become unrecognizable and it's a trip.

 Sleep: Sleeping is getting more uncomfortable. I still wake up on my back a lot. Still get up 3-4 times a night to go to the bathroom. Turning over is, like, harder than it should be.  I use multiple pillows to support various parts of my body these days so every time I need to turn over or adjust, my whole apparatus has to be reconfigured.

Craving: No cravings.  I am trying my best to eat less crap.  But I'm no where near perfect. 

Feeling: Lots of movement from baby boy. It's fun, but sometimes he hits my under a rib or something and it feels, not fun.

Random: However, I'm still feeling a nervous about the eventual birth of this baby.  I go back and forth between feeling super empowered and excited about letting my body do what it's made to do and oh hell no I don't think I can do this without getting knocked out.  I don't know, maybe that's normal.  Intellectually I know my body can do it, I know it is designed to do it.  BUT, I am a realist and I know that when I'm in pain, I want it to stop and give me all the meds to make it stop. When you're in a hospital with access to ALL THE MEDS, that is going to take some serious will power to resist.

Dan and I decided to hire a doula to help us with labor. I feel really good about the decision, although the dummy in me feels a sense of pressure to not let her down with anything less than a perfect natural birth.  Obviously, as any good doula will say, this is ridiculous and I should stop thinking like that. Her purpose is to help us have the best experience possible, regardless of what it looks like.  I think I just have a weird complex from like, high school basketball or volleyball about not messing up or letting coach down! I have problems, clearly.

But our doula! She's great and I feel good that we will have someone on our team who knows what they are doing, has been down this road (herself and with other moms she has supported) and can be a calming, encouraging voice and support for us.

I have my baby shower this weekend and I'm really excited! My Mom will be here as well as my sister, Shannon.  I feel lucky to have such supportive family and friends who are willing to celebrate this baby with me!

29 Weeks

How far along:  29 weeks + 3 days

How big is baby: The size of a small cabbage (???). Almost 3 pounds!

Weight Gain: Stop asking me how much weight I've gained, ok?

Sleep: Sleeping is uncomfortable. I tend to be a back sleeper, which they say isn't the best position for pregnant women to sleep in.  Apparently you have a large vein along your back and it can become compressed with the weight of your uterus, so back sleeping = not good.  I think also our mattress is too soft for my pregnant body.  It's hard to turn over and I feel like I sink into it, making it even harder to turn around.  Another excuse for a new bed, I think.

Craving: Still no big cravings. I'm trying to eat more fruits/veggies, generally healthier things.  Key word there is TRYING.

Feeling: I know this is only my first rodeo, but this baby seems particularly active. It's fun to feel him moving around and definitely a reassurance that everything is ok in there..

Random: Dan and I caved and decided to make an appointment to Fetal Fotos to get another glimpse of our baby boy.  Our insurance only overs the cost of 2 ultrasounds (unless medically needed) so we didn't know if we were going to get another one before he is born.  It was SO FUN to see him on the ultrasound! He is so much bigger and more developed than the 20 week ultrasound - looks looks like a real-deal baby in there and I know this is so cliche to say, but he is so cute!

The tech noted he was pretty chubby for being only 29 weeks and definitely stronger than most at his age.  That made Dan pretty proud.  I immediately got nervous that I was growing a mondo-sized baby that I would eventually have to push out of my body.  I'm excited he's growing healthy, but hopefully he isn't too ginormous. 

The tech also said she could tell he had a good head of hair! And eyelashes! OMG, I can't wait to see what he looks like.  The ultrasound was seriously so fun and made things even more real and exciting for us. I think seeing him look so clearly developed made us connect with him even more. We keep staring at the pictures they printed for us and commenting on how cute he is. We can't wait to meet him.

Family Pictures Prep

So long story short, I was not super pleased with Dan and mine's wedding photos.  We used a photographer friend who really is a great photographer, but does mostly commercial photos and high-impact editing.  Unfortuately, I don't think we (really, I) thought through what I envisioned for our wedding photos enough and didn't do a good job of communicating what I wanted to our photographer. Alas, Dan and I only have like, 2 photos of us that I could put in a frame and call "our wedding photo", you know? That's sad to me.  I wish we would have spent the money to hire a wedding-specific photographer who knows what poses to get, who understands the emotion of a wedding and could capture that for us. It was also really cold and rainy the day we got married so I was kinda over standing outside in the freezing rain taking pcitures faster than I normally would.

Anyways.

Since then, I've really wanted to get some photos of Dan and I taken as sort of a supplement to our wedding pics.  With being pregnant, it also seemed appropriate to document this time in our lives with some beautiful, high quality photos.  I'm not super into the whole "maternity photoshoot" that seems really popular with most expecting women these days - I'm just not that person, ok? But I definitely liked the idea of including Dan and calling these our first photos as a little family :)

We'll be taking them outside, at this beautiful farm. No, we are not farm people, but the setting really is quite beautiful and simple, with a pretty green field, lots of surrounding tall trees and the mountains in the background. Here's another family's session at the same location.

Anyway, I've been searching long and hard for outfit ideas for both me and Dan.  NOT EASY.  I've seriously purchased, like, 5 dresses with hopes that one of them works.

I was really excited when I found this dress in particular from ASOS:

 Super pretty, right?!!??

Well, I ordered it.... I ordered it without really taking a closer look at the subsequent pictures.
After I ordered it, I went back to see it again because I was pretty excited about it.  Upon closer review, I realized this dress was in fact missing a sleeve:

The hell?!?! I didn't even realize that when I first looked.  Um, lame.  The one-sided twisted sleeve is lame. Ugh. Could have been perfect. I'm still pretty sad about it.

I found and ordered a couple other options from Pink Blush Maternity:

 These are actually the same dress, but I couldn't pick a color so I got both. I'll return one or both if they don't work, I promise!

I'm also trying this one on at J. Crew this weekend (not in red. I like the teal below). I'll probably have to order it online in a TALL though because I am huge.

I also need to find Dan something to wear! Hopefully, that effort is a lot easier.

28 Weeks

How far along:  28 weeks + 3 days

How big is baby: The size of a a head of cauliflower (don't get that one.  Cauliflowers are, like, round). About 2 and a half pounds.

Weight Gain: I don't weight myself at home so I'm not sure what I'm up to.  I'll know next week at my doctors appointment.

Sleep: Sleeping is slowly and surely getting more uncomfortable. I feel so big trying to turn over and get comfortable at night. AND WTF, my husband has begun this behavior of bed-hogging that I've never experienced before. He about pushes me out of bed every night. He takes up a lot of real estate - it's like he forgets I'm in there too!  Time for a king-size cal-king size, I think.

Craving: I'm still not craving much.  My stomach feels like it doesn't have a lot of room, so I get really full fast and after I eat, it feels like it's all like sitting super high in my chest. That is not a fun feeling. But I have thus far avoided getting heartburn. So far.

Feeling: Still feeling him quite a bit.  Starting to feel more rolling and turning, which is cool.  He definitely goes through times where he is ADD and just all over the place. I'm also feeling my lung space disappear and quickly.  Sometimes it feels like I can't catch my breath, which then makes me feel all panicky.  I don't like that so much.

Random: I'm feeling more nervous about the actual fact that the only way I will not be pregnant again is if this baby comes out.  I don't know but that hit me really hard the other day and SCARED ME.  I'm still hoping to try and go a more natural route with my birth, but honestly, I have no idea what is coming so it's hard to have confidence in my ability to do that.  Our childbirth classes are helpful, but it's almost like the more I learn, the more "oh sh!$" feeling I get.  Hopefully I can feel a little more confident as I progress and gain more knowledge in our class.  It also helps to read or hear about other first time mom's experiences feeling the same way.  I'm not the only one who feels nervous/anxious about becoming a mother and giving birth.  That's helpful in and of itself to know.

I'm also trying to figure out what my work situation will be once he's here. I plan on going back to work, at reduced hours, but I'm not sure how or what that is going to look like yet.  Day cares (good ones, at least) are expensive and have LONG waiting lists (as I am learning, probably a little late). We are visiting our first one this week and will most likely get on their waiting list (currently 6 months to a year long!). I like the idea of still working some after I have the baby, but I also know from witnessing other friends and coworkers experiences, that it is definitely not easy - logistically, physically or emotionally. I guess it's just another one of those things that we will figure out eventually, but right now it's a little stressful to think about!

27 Weeks

Wow, this whole pregnancy thing is starting to fly by.  I felt like the first 3 months went by so slow....probably because we hadn't told anyone so it was just a little secret between Dan and me.  Now that I'm looking unquestionably pregnant, it feels like the weeks are flying by.  I have one more monthly doctors appointment in 2 weeks and then I start going every every week until 36 weeks, then once a week until delivery. WHAT?!?!

27 weeks.  Excuse the tacky bathroom selfie.

Dan and I attended our first birth class the other night. We are taking a Bradley Method class, which focuses on natural, husband-coached childbirth.  I really enjoyed it! We have about 7 other couples in the class with us and our teacher is pretty legit.  We just scratched the surface on class 1, so I'm excited to continue to learn about what to expect. The unknown of labor and birth are what scares me the most - I have NO IDEA what to expect.  But I do know I am interested in trying to avoid a lot of unnecessary interventions, drugs, etc. I mean, I am going to do what's best for my baby and myself, but I don't want to just show up at the hospital and let them put me through some system that really doesn't have a lot of science or evidence-based reasoning.  I am keeping an open mind though and realize things don't always go the way you plan, especially something like labor/birth.  But I'm excited to feel more prepared and knowledgeable. If anything, it helps ease my anxiety and fear!

Welp, here's the update:

How far along:  27 weeks

How big is baby: The size of a cucumber. Little over 2 pounds.

Weight Gain: My last doctors appointment I had gained a total of 14.  Jeez.

Sleep: Sleeping mostly good. I still have to use the bathroom a couple times a night and have started sleeping with pillows in a side position I learned in my birth class. It helps.

Craving: Cravings are still minimal. If anything, I feel my appetite has waned. I think it's because I get so full after eating just a small amount - there's not a lot of room for my stomach to expand I guess. 

Feeling: Feeling this little dude a lot now! He's super active at night, right when I'm trying to rest.  But it's fine. I love being able to feel him and know he's ok in there.  It's fun to get Dan to feel him too. His eyes get real big when he feels him moving around. It's funny.

Random: We decided to stay in our apartment until the baby is born and start looking for a house again after he's here.  It's just too stressful to try and find, buy and move into a new house right now.  I'm ok with it.  We feel it's the best decision, even if I get anxiety about home prices continuing to rise!

I've actually been feeling quite a bit of anxiety lately. A lot of things I think exasperate it - my Dad, my job, buying a house, finding a day care, labor/birth, RAISING A CHILD.  It's all kind of festering in my mind and presenting itself as anxiety. I'm trying my best to breathe deeply in those moments and let go of what I can't control, but sometimes it's hard. 

23 Weeks

I'm a terrible blogger! I feel bad I haven't kept up this pregnancy journal like I wanted.  I'm 27 weeks now, but here's my post from 23 weeks, which I never posted because I still can't figure out an easy and fast way to transfer my iPhone pics to my computer.  Ugh. Technology.

How far along:  23 weeks

How big is baby: The size of a spaghetti squash, about a pound.

Weight Gain: around 10 pounds. I'll know more next doctors' appt!

Sleep: Still sleeping pretty good!

Craving: Haven't been craving anything really lately.  I've made a commitment to myself to limit my sugar intake and try and eat more whole foods.I have some days I am more successful at that than others.

Feeling: Still feeling the baby some days more than others. Hopefully it gets more consistent soon because I can't help but worry when I notice I haven't felt it for a while.

Random:My mom was in town this weekend and it was the first time I'd gone shopping for the baby. It was really fun and seeing all the cute baby boy stuff made me more excited to have a little boy.  We also picked up a bunch of different cute flannel fabric at the fabric store and my mom helped me make some burp cloths.  She did the sewing since I lack her far superior sewing skills. I need to take some pics and post them. they turned out cute!

house hunting

Dan and I have entered in to a very new territory of our lives....the territory in which we look for a house to buy.

This is pretty exciting, but also pretty terrifying.  This is A LOT OF MONEY we are talking about and there are so many "what ifs" that enter my mind that I sometimes just want to throw up my hands and forget it and rent my 2 bedroom apartment forever.

But we need a house. The time is right....or so everyone keeps saying.  Everyone in fact keeps freaking me out about the timing thing.

"Hurry up and buy. Interest rates are going up!"

"You need to get in a house! The market is crazy hot right now! Prices will go up!"

"Stop throwing your money away renting!"

Um, yeah. I get it.  But houses are expensive and don't you need, like, money to buy a house? And how do we afford to have a baby if we spend all our money on a house? How will we live? What about when I'm on maternity leave and stop getting paid for a few months?

Anyways, we decided to go ahead and talk to someone who knows mortgages more than us - which is like, all people. But this particular guy we talked to does this for a living so I think he knows what he's talking about.  We have our budget and now we have to go find a house we want to live in, a house within our budge of course.

Which brings me to another point - as first time home buyers, we understand we are not going to be buying our dream house. We get that. But its true that the real estate market here in Utah is quite competitive right now. Most houses get multiple offers and often times get above asking price.  So for people like us who are trying to find a nice house to live in, in an area that we want to live in, under a reasonable budget, this could pose a challenge.  We looked online briefly last night and lets just say it was a little reality check.  Not totally depressing, but I think we will need to be really proactive in our search and also open minded to carpeted bathrooms and popcorn ceilings.

20 Week Pregnancy Update

I'm now 20 weeks and the idea that this little baby is a boy is sinking in more and more.  It definitely makes this whole experience a lot more real!


How far along:  20 Weeks

How big is baby: The length of a banana (at our ultrasound a couple days ago, he was 12 ounces!)

Weight Gain: 4 pounds according to my last doctors visit. I go again in a couple weeks.  We'll see how much then.

Sleep: Stareting to feel a little more uncomfortable when I sleep.  I feel heavier in my tummy so it's getting a little more difficult to turn over at night, but still, not that bad yet.  I try and stay off my back when I sleep, but sometimes I wake up and I'm on my back, which apparently isn't a good position to sleep in, especially the farther along I get.  Still having to pee a lot, especially during the early morning hours before my alarm goes off. Weird.

Craving: The salad bar phase is over I think, but the last couple days I've been really wanting fruit.  I went to the store last night and bought some peaches, strawberries, nectarines, raspberries and blackberries. Could be course things to be craving so I'm ok with it! I also sometimes really crave tacos, especially from Taco Time.  This is not good and I try to resist, but sometimes I just have to go get some! They are so good to me!

Feeling: I'm feeling the baby move more and more lately.  Some days it's more noticeable than others.  The ultrasound tech said my placenta is on the outside of my uterus so I might not be feeling as much yet.  But it should continue to move back as I grow.

Random: Our 20 week ultrasound went great! I was so, so nervous before hand. I really just wanted everything to look healthy and normal.  But everything looked good and the baby is growing right on track. It was so cool to see him so developed, to see his bones, his heart beating, his spine....it was awesome. I sometimes can't wrap my mind around how amazing creating a baby is.  It's so crazy how it all just happens, day by day, little by little, until you have this fully formed, functioned human. Such a miracle.

We did find out however that this little guy probably has an extra toe on his left foot and possibly an extra finger on his left hand (it was tough to see his hand good enough to definitely know). This isn't a big deal ultimately and something we kind of expected. Dan was born with 6 fingers and 6 toes (the extras were removed when he was a few months old) and it runs in his family. So we knew there was a 50/50 chance our kids would have the same.  So anyways, it's very minor and something that can easily be taken care of once he's born.  I'm so thankful there was nothing else more seriously wrong with him! Everything else looked great! What a miracle and blessing!