Resolutions

I've had this song stuck in my head for the past few days as I tried to finish this post. It's so great.... the song, I mean, not necessarily this post.

As the end of the year winds down, I, like most people, start thinking about my year in review. All the things I did or wish I had done, and all the things I want to accomplish in the new year. My birthday falls right near the first of the year, so this makes it especially timely for me to start fresh.

I'm 28 this year. 28. WHAAATT?!?! How this happened, I have no idea. It's a bit sad to me, this whole getting older thing. But a bit exciting too. I feel like an adult in a lot of ways, but the stage I'm at in life still feels a bit unsettled...which is ok. If I've learned anything this past year it's that wishing your life away is not only pointless, it's a very ungrateful way to live. I've also learned that I have the capacity to cope, to survive, to hurt it ways I never knew were possible, but to wake up the next day and still be breathing, still alive. I've learned that everything will be ok. Not to get all Annie up in here, but there really is always tomorrow.

I've been thinking about how I don't want to get all depressed and cynical about turning another year older. I really don't. Instead, I want to focus on positive goals that I can look forward to achieving. I want to focus on living a better life. A happier, more hopeful life. And really, what better (albeit cliche) way to do it than on the cusp of a new year?

Thus, I share with you my 28 for 28:

Be a better friend
Do the Whole 30 Challenge
Do a pull-up at CrossFit
Travel to Thailand
Go on a cruise
Run another half marathon
Take a yoga class once a week
Volunteer at a senior care center
Buy a new car
Participate in Toastmasters
Learn how to make clothes with my sewing machine
Get IAP2 certified
Be less judgmental
Be a better RS teacher
Be kinder to myself
Drink more water
Send out more thank-you cards
Buy a road bike
Take a weekend vacation alone
Send someone flowers anonymously
Pray daily
Take piano lessons
Write in my journal once a week
Finish crocheting the blanket I started a year ago
Attend the temple once a month
Learn to use my cake decorating supplies
Throw a party
Go to bed earlier

There you have it. Totally doable. Here's to living better and happier in 2012!

FAIL

This weekend I had to send a email out to a list of about 5,000 people, including my client, who are on a mailing list for a project I'm on at work.

About 1 minute after the email was sent, I read it for the 100th time and and ever so conveniently noticed that I had misspelled the word "conceptual" (I spelled it "conceptional")

My heart stopped beating and I wanted to vomit pretty much the rest of the weekend.

AAHHHHHHH!!!!! WHY AM I SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!???

Goings On About Town

So, here are some things that I’ve got going on:

I bought a sewing machine! That I have no idea how to use! But I’m excited about it!

Attended the Jacks Mannequin concert on Tuesday. So fun. I love him. LOVE. (but maybe love him with Something Corporate more…) Openers Venka and Lady Danville were great too!

Working on my fitness. Dan has taken my goal of getting into serious shape his mission. He’s my trainer. I’m really sore. He tells me to get used to it.

I find social norms in the professional world hilarious/frustrating. Case in point: My Super Important Client is obsessed with sushi, especially this certain joint down town. He’s in there so much that they’ve named a roll after him. Seriously. My problem is that I’ve TRIED AND TRIED to acquire some sort of affection for sushi, but I just can’t. I don’t like it and I’ve come to terms with the fact that I probably never will. This proves to be a problem when my client picks sushi for lunch EVERY TIME WE MEET and I have to suffer through each and every bite. I think he finally got the hint today when I only ate two pieces of something called the “Pink Dragon” asked for a second bowl of miso soup. So maybe he’ll think to venture out next time we go to lunch.

And while were’ on the subject, is it just me or does sushi have some sort of hipster/elitist, social status connected to it? I’m not some close-minded, unadventurous, antithesis of a foodie or something, ok? I love food! Thai, Indian, Greek…..seafood even! I just prefer mine cooked a bit.

Anyways.

Speaking of food, I’m also trying to eat clean, or Paleo, if you will. It’s going pretty good. I’ve cut our sugar, bread, pasta, etc. Basically, anything that a caveman wouldn’t eat. (another reason I can’t do sushi – all that rice) Other than searing headaches from the Diet Coke withdrawals and hunger pangs 15 minutes after I eat, it’s been great! Just hoping this “detox” period is over soon so I can start feeling full again. You don’t realize how addicted to carbs you are until they are gone.

I want to be a peacock for Halloween. I found a DIY costume tutorial that I wanted to try (with my new sewing machine!) but I'm not sure how realistic it is for me to learn how to sew in 2 days. We'll see.

I have a headache. That's all for now.

The One Where I Talk About Boots

Where do I start? First of all, let me just say, I have about 10 drafts where've I've started to write about a lot more intellectual things like tax breaks for corporations, the Clean Water Act, and how I think reality television is an embarrassment to our society.

But boots are what it's about right now. We'll talk about how annoying Sarah Palin is and how everyone needs to shut up and ignore her so she'll maybe go away, for another day. (But seriously, is she not the biggest attention whore you've ever seen? She's like that girl in church high school who always had to raise her hand and give some stupid, pointless comment that makes no sense and has zero relevance to anything.)

So. I have skinny calves. Like, straight-up, toothpick-style calves. It's quite frustrating and when it comes to finding boots that fit me, it's been totally sad because boots just aren't made for calf-lacking people such as myself. Unless I want to walk around like a swashbuckler, or whatever, me and boots are just not happening.

BUT, this fall, I've discovered a new found resolve with my search for boots and after searching the ends of the www, I think I may have found my boot savior. Behold, DUO.

Based out of the UK, DUO is a retailer that specializes in boots made for varying sizes of calves. They even tell you how to measure your calves and find the correct width of boot. While it's not cheap (exchange rates sucks, but free international shipping!) I feel completely confident in spending my hard earned cash on something I've wanted for oh-so-long.

In another strike of good fortune, I also wandered into the shoe department at Target to find their selection of boots on sale. Always an optimist (at least when it comes to footwear) I tried on the most attractive and least plastic-looking pair they had.

And what do you know, they actually kinda fit.

Sure, there's some definite wiggle room in the calf, but nothing some tucked in skinny jeans can't overcome, right?

So $50 later......

I mean, for $50, those are pretty cute, right? Yes? No?

I don't know.

POST EDIT: The more I looked at these boots, the more I hated them. Back they went. I bought these instead, 15% off!

Boot shopping is still hard.

Curry in a Hurry.

There is a restaurant on State Street called that. I've never been there but I should try it because I am currently obsessed with the stuff.

I go through these food phases where I will become totally committed to a certain food and eat nothing much else but that particular thing. Here's a list of foods I've been addicted to in seasons past:

Raisin Bran
Home made chicken tacos on corn torillas (chicken, avocado, salsa, cheese.)
Chips and salsa
Caesar salad
Turkey sandwiches on sourdough
BBQ hot dogs
Thai food
Indian food

Currently, I keep dreaming about delicious yellow curry and Bollywood Chicken at my favorite Indian restaurant called Bombay House. It's AH-MAZING. I've been there twice this week, which is horrible on my budget because it's not exactly cheap. Paired up with with lemon basmati rice and garlic naan and I'm as close to heaven as I'll probably ever get.

Today on Pinterest, a friend of mine posted a recipe for slow cooker chicken curry and I about died. It looks so good, I'm trying it out this weekend. Can't wait. I'll let you know how it goes.

Other news: This morning when I stepped outside to go to work, I noticed it. That first little bite of crisp cool air that let's you know fall is on the way. It freaked me out. Not that I have anything against fall, I love fall. It's quite lovely. But after fall comes winter and winter and I have much animosity between us. I HATE winter. It's just so dang long here. It just sucks the hope and life out of you. I get anxiety just thinking about it right now. However, I am doing what I can to curb the dread with some warm-coat shopping. I like this one:
It's waterproof and made of down. I think I need it.

Anyway.

The Giants suck so bad right now, it's embarrassing. They've had the crappiest producing offense in like, 100 years. Pathetic. Still, I'm bringing my Giants gear and going to represent during my Ragnar Relay - San Francisco to Calistoga. Am I under trained? Yes. Will it be painful? Yes. Do I care? No. I am stoked to be headed back to the Bay. Can't think of a prettier route!

Holland.

My good friend Eliza posted something on her blog the other day that I wanted to share. It's no secret that Eliza is one of my favorite people, as documented here and here. She and her young little family have been through more than a young little family should. One of her twin baby daughters, Lucy, is currently at Primary Children's Hospital with very serious heart complications. After three open heart surgeries and probably more to come, she has shown everyone what a strong and fighting spirit she has. Eliza and Chuck are amazing. I can't even imagine what going through such emotional harship must feel like, and yet they have the kind of faith that has been completely inspiring and humbling. And I know I don't have children, but I think this story Eliza posted on her blog relates to a lot of things in life, and I found it pretty profound for me at this point in my own.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
By Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.


P.S. If you have a spare minute, please send a prayer or two up for Lucy, that her heart will be strong and that she will continue to be the little warrior that she is.

Favorite Things

These are some things I'm sort of obsessed with lately - My "Favorite Things," if you will. Although , I'm not giving any of them away. Sorry.

In no particular order:
This is the BEST hand cream I have found. I usually hate any kind of lotion on my hands because I'm constantly messing with my hair to keep it out of my face and lotion on the hands = greasy hair for me. But this one if light and perfect and smells good, too. But not over the top, ya know? You know.

I drink a protein shake at least once a day and these bottles make mixing up my shakes so much easier. That weird little ball eliminates the globs of powder that can form and mixes up the perfect shake!

Salsa has become it's own food group in my diet lately. I crave it all the time, especially with blue corn tortilla chips. I've tried pretty much every single salsa in stock at my neighborhood Fresh Market and this is my favorite. I hate salsa that tastes like ketchup and the smokiness in this perfectly balances the tomato flavor. Get it.

Tulips are everywhere in Salt Lake right now, especially my neighborhood! They are so, so pretty and make me so excited that spring is finally here (let's hope the snow storms are gone for good). I can't wait to go the the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point.

Um, can we talk about how cool Navy SEALs are? This whole Osama bin Laden thing is nuts and the craziest part to me is reading about the Navy SEALs Team Six super secret special ops team that actually went it and took him out. I've been reading all about their brutal training and how no one in the military ever talks about their existence and how they are like called up at a moments notice to complete the most complex and dangerous missions. It’s straight up out of a spy movie and I love it. Those SEALs are some badass dudes!

Faith

"The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns."

-Ann Lamott

Up in the gym just working on my fitness

So the last couple weeks or so I've gotten all serious about my health/fitness. I've made it a goal to lose 10 pounds before my relay race in April. I've been at the gym every night this week. I make myself run at least 4 miles on the treadmill, then hit spin class on Mondays/Thursdays. Those days are killer, but I really love spin so I actually look forward to going. I'm trying to squeeze in strength training 3 times a week too, especially to try and strengthen my knee as to avoid another injury. I've also been eating a lot better. Nothing too extreme, just better choices and less eating out. I'm down 5.5 lbs. It's amazing how much better I already feel!

Now, I'm not someone who loves to work out naturally. It takes a lot of self-discipline and self-motivation to get me on track, but I have noticed a few things that have helped make me a little bit more successful:

1. Hit the gym directly from work. I pack my bag the night before and head to the gym straight after work. If I go home, the odds of me getting back out are slim to none.

2.Spin class. I love spin class because I know that when I show up and get on that stupid bike, I am going to sweat my face off. I like being in a group setting because if brings out the competitive side of me and I refuse to be the one that can't finish. I love the dark atmosphere and music. It makes it so much more enjoyable to just zone out and peddle.

2. Eat breakfast. As discussed on this blog, I've never been a breakfast person, but I've realized how important it is to get something in my stomach in the morning to avoid mid-morning binges on 7-11 donuts and Diet Coke. I've come to appreciate something fast and easy like yogurt, a wheat English muffin or a protein shake. Speaking of....

3. Protein Shakes. I drink one right after I get home from the gym. This does two things for me: obviously the protein helps build muscle, but I also drink one as a meal replacement for dinner, or to just fill me up a little before I eat healthy food.

4. Eat often. I'm not a snacker, but I've noticed that the less frequently I eat, the worst food choices I make when I actually do. So, I try and stay full on the good stuff to avoid craving the bad stuff. This is working. Go figure.

5. Pandora Radio. This is important because instead of constantly buying new music and subsequently spending money, I run to Pandora, which is like an automatic playlist. I love it.

6. Intervals. On the days I really just can't get through the monotony of running on a treadmill, I find that doing speed intervals helps make the time go by faster and really challenges me. I'll usually start out by running about 2 miles straight, then use the next 2 miles to run speed intervals. 1 minute sprint, 1 minute walk. 2 minute sprint, 1 minute walk, etc. Sometimes I increase the incline to simulate hills. I hate hills.

7. Channel Your Inner Jillian Michaels (IJM). I can't tell you how many times I've had to tap into my IJM to push myself to the finish line. When I feel like I just can 't keep going, like my body just can't run that last.5 mile or complete that last sprint, I just picture her screaming at me and somehow, I make it. I love JM. I love Bob, too.

Not that I'm some fitness aficionado now. Far from it. But I think I've found a good balance for myself with my health and fitness goals. I've moved past the idea of having to live on salads and water to a more realistic pattern for myself. With exercise, it's not fun, but I try and make the decision to work out less of a decision and more of just something else I have to do for the day, like brushing my teeth. If I make it a chore, it becomes painful and I don't want to do it. With my diet, I really just try and make simple changes; going home for lunch instead of eating out, eating breakfast, and snacking on good food to avoid craving the bad.

Still, some things will never change. I still allow myself a chocolate chip cookie every now and again.

Admittedly, this is a lame post

I've lost the ability to self-document.

Work is good. On a new project I'm really excited about.

Buster Posey is married, to this woman, who looks like she could be his mom.

Deron Williams got traded to the Nets and the Kings are most likely moving to Anaheim, where they can suck just as badly, but with better weather and more expensive ad space.

I need to run, but just can't.

I feel like all motivation, hope and faith has been sucked out of me. How does that happen? How do I fix it?

Here's a video of the dolphins I got to hang with in Southern, CA a couple weeks ago. It was really, really cool.

Speaking of money and not having any...

My new lamp. $9.99 at Ikea.

This is a great website, as featured in this CNN story. I couldn't do it, but the idea is fascinating.

Wherein I tell a secret

I’m about $600 away from paying off a credit card that has haunted me since 2006. I kid you not, I’ve been trying to pay this stupid thing off for what feels like forever. I’ve gotten close a couple other times during the last few years, but unemployment happened, more than once, and I found myself racking up the balance to keep myself afloat. But I can see the finish line now and that is a good feeling.

Let me just say, I’m not one of those people who have severe credit card problems. I don’t use them (anymore) and don’t even keep them in my wallet. The average household has approximately $15,000 in credit card debt, which is pretty astonishing in and of itself. I’m nowhere near this, but the credit card debt I have accumulated has been my own personal demon, weighing down my self-worth in a cloud of shame and regret. In the times I have been unemployed, my debt caused me serious anxiety. Those bills come like clockwork and they don’t care that you have been laid off twice in the last year. It significantly affected my health, even causing me to lose quite a bit of weight from the worry, which in normal circumstances I’d be thrilled. But dropping lb’s because I’m wretched with anxiety is no fun – no matter how small my dress size gets.

The point in talking about this is to write down a goal of mine that I truly feel is attainable now. I want to be completely out of debt by 2012. I can do it. Debt is such a restraining force and it’s no wonder we (us Mormons) are counseled to avoid it completely. I really can’t wait to be free of it. In doing so, I’m making a public list of expenses I will work on cutting out or significantly decreasing in the next year:

1. Eating Out – bring my lunch to work or go home and eat.

2. Netflix – I don’t even use it that often.

3. Gas – Consolidate trips and walk to work (when the weather gets warmer)

4. Clothes – Avoid Target

5. ProActive – Don’t judge, this stuff is good. But I don’t have acne and it’s way more expensive than those commercials make you think!

6. Hair Appointments – Go longer between appointments.

If I can just work on these 6 things, I know I would save myself quite a bit of money. Saving has never been a strong suit of mine, so this will definitely be a challenge. But it will be worth it what I can finally make that last stupid payment and get the satisfaction of knowing these credit card companies won’t be taking one more dime of my money!

Things that must go...

1. Turning left when there is no center left turn lane. Drive 2100 South between 1300 and 900 East during lunchtime and you will know what I’m talking about. See those double yellow lines? That means you can’t turn. So STOP BACKING UP TRAFFIC FOR DAYS and MOVE.

2. Taking a picture of you and your meal. You know the ones, where they hold up their plate, slightly angled and flash a proud smile. I find this weird. And let’s be honest. You’re at Applebee’s. Enough said.

3. Winter. In general.

4. Realebrities. Because these people are famous for nothing.

5. Brad Womack, aka The Bachelor. Not only did he already get his shot, he’s got to be the most awkward, personality-deficient Bachelor EVER. P.S. Emily will not win and thus be invited back as the next Bachelorette. I’m calling that right now.

6. "Strategic goals", “Just calling to touch base”, “Thinking outside the box”, and “All on the same page.”

7. Red Bull Cola. Don’t ask me under what circumstances I was forced to drink one, but I did. And it was horrible.

8. Did I mention winter?

9. Guys whose entire approach in communication is via text message. Or Facebook. If you don’t have the guts to talk to me on the phone, or GASP! face-to-face, don’t bother.

10. Words With Friends only giving me vowels. WTF…or more like AEI.