Weekend Update
This weekend I went up to Salt Lake to take care of some business before going up to Logan to help throw my good friends Eliza and Chuck's baby shower. They're having a boy, naming him Jack and I couldn't be more excited for them. I've expressed my love for these two before on this blog so you know they are the coolest married couple I know, so them having a baby just makes them that much cooler. I was really hoping Eliza would suddenly go into labor while I was in town and have her baby so I could see him, but alas, that was not the case. Oh well, I'll see him soon enough.
Eliza is 8 months pregnant and her little belly is tiny. I couldn't get over it.
Me and my friend Quela's baby, Roxy. She's so cute!!!
Josh, me, Michelle. Trouble.
I had a couple meetings in Salt Lake with some PR people who might be able to get me a job there, or if nothing else, give me some help in putting my stuff together and looking like a better candidate. I thought I'd be more excited to be back in Salt Lake, but really, I wasn't. I wasn't really feeling it at all, which kinda made me worried, since I thought I really wanted to move back. Maybe I was just nervous about the interviews and had too much anxiety to think about being back, but I just wasn't really feeling it. Now I really have no idea what I'm going to do. Do I move back anyway? Should I stay in Vegas? Go to California???? Someone tell me what to do. It would be a lot easier to decide if I had any burning desire to be in a particular place, but I don't. I'm stuck. I hate this. However I'm also trying really hard to go against every natural reaction in my being and stay positive and try to be happy in this point in my life. We went to church in Logan on Sunday and it seemed every talk in Sacrament was directed towards me. The realization that I am wishing my life away hit me hard and I really don't want to think that way anymore. I truly want to just live my life for what is it right now and not worry too much about the things that I cannot change, and not take the things I can change too seriously. I feel like the last 2 years I've been waiting for "the next step" in my life to happen. Whether it was graduating, moving to Vegas, starting my job, or whatever. If I keep worrying about where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing, I'm afraid I'll wake up 20 years from now and be completely shocked and confused on where my life went. Now to say I'm not freaking out a little about the decisions I need to make because believe me, I am.
This post has turned in a weird direction I wasn't anticipating, but there it is. I think a lot of times, and I hate to admit this, I enjoy being a little miserable. It's almost as if I don't know how to live any other way so I choose to live in this little dark spot where I don't have to make decisions, and inside I can complain about things and continue on in my complacency. That's much easier.
But, I'm sick of that dark spot. It sucks. I might just try and choose the alternative.
3 comments:
Come to NY.
The shower was so much fun! Thanks for planning it. It was great to see you all again and hang out.
I'm totally gonna steal some of your pics to post on my blog. Hope you don't mind.
And I totally think you should come back to Utah. I would love to be able to see you more often. And it's always nice to have another babysitter around. I'm sure you'll figure out what to do. Go where ever you think you'll be the happiest. Love ya!
I don't think you should think about the decision actually. I think you should purchase a map... find a penny and toss it in the air... then try to find a job in whichever city the penny lands closest too. If you want you can blackout the midwest so you don't have to go anywhere weird like that.
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